Last night I ran my furtherest distance since I began running at the end of last summer. 8.4km in 58 mins and I ran the whole way, no walking, no stopping to tie my shoe lace so I can catch my breath I just ran!.
I have until now been unable to push through that mental block that screams “stop I feel sick” or “stop I can’t breath” but last night I found my pace and my breathing fell into rhythm automatically, I pushed through each time my lazy side said “you could just walk this bit” my strong louder more confident side replied “you could but you don’t need to” so I just kept running, through the tiredness, through the stomach cramp that made me feel like I might hurl on the last mile and I made it back to the car park without hurling, now I feel like a proper runner.
When my son was born in 2009 I found myself isolated from the world stuck at home with a sick baby in a small village miles from friends and family. Unable to leave the house for long due to feeding schedules, equipment and lack of car (getting a bus with a disabled child and their equipment is not for the fainthearted but thats another story). So for 2 years I spent the majority of my days alone with a poorly baby whilst Adam worked. These days were spent watching TV whilst trying and failing to get my son to eat enough to thrive (he now has a tube in his tummy for food and is thriving). My confidence took a huge battering, I had been a Karate instructor for 3 years, I had stood in front of classes of 100 people, taught them Kata and spared men twice my size and strength, now I was a couch potato who couldn’t even help her child to eat, I rarely spoke to another adult other than Adam. I became a shadow of my former self, quiet, nervous, worrying wreck.
7 years on I feel very different, I haven’t gone back to the old me I am calmer, more serious yet more care free, my priorities in life have changed as has my way looking at life in general, I don’t get hung up on the small stuff. I am also more confident, more independent and more sociable ( I have friends now 🙂 ).
I have realised in these last 2 years since beginning my training and fundraising that we are all alone in everything we do but thats ok. No matter how many friends I have cheering me on ultimately it is me and me alone that will get me to where I want to be. It is the voices in my head that I have to overcome and only I can shout them down because only I can hear them. When I am running I tell myself, ” I want to get fit no-one is going to do this for me so keep going” or “I won’t get to Base camp if I can’t even run 5k”. When I am sitting watching TV when I should be doing work I tell myself “none else is going to do it so get up and do it” In all aspects of my life I am taking charge and pushing through wether it’s self doubt, pain or plain laziness I am mentally slapping myself and encouraging myself. When I talk to myself (and we all do it I am not crazy) I talk positively and tell myself I can do it, I have stopped listening to the negative voice so much that I rarely hear myself thinking “I can’t do this”.
Without a doubt running has changed my life, taking on the challenge of trekking to Everest Base camp and raising £5,000 for St Oswald’s is the best thing I could have done for myself and for my family. You don’t have to take on a massive challenge to make positive changes but you have to move and do things differently if you want to change. Going a club, start one if there isn’t one near you, go for a walk, volunteer do something different and tell yourself you can.
If you would like to can can help me reach my fundraising goal for St Oswald’s please donate on my justgiving page https://www.justgiving.com/Couchtobasecamp2015/ and share the link to spread the word 😀
Stay tuned the adventure is yet to come, 17 days and counting